we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
