and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Randomize