I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
