was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Randomize
