mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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