My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize