New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
