I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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