I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Randomize
