Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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