these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize