Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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