WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
