I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
