I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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