well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize