Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
