There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
