I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
