i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
