I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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