I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
