hell yes lets make some ravioli
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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