I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
