Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
