Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
