i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
