I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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