do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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