Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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