it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize