I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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