She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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