I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Randomize
