I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
