This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Randomize
