Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
