after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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