I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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