I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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