I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
