In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
