Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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