I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
