I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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