I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
