well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
