Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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