Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
