Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
