Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
