One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
