I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
