fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
