who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Randomize
