Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
