I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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