The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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