I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Randomize
