I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
