I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
