my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
