There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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