I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Randomize
