"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
