Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Shitshow foam night was such a success
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
