oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Too much gin, very little bucket
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
