Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Sext me about skeletons
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
