If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
