I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
