before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
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