I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Randomize
